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| Prince Philip in 2006 by Michael Gwyther Jones. |
Under new "equality" legislation originally dreamt up by Harriet Harman but pushed through by the present government, it will be possible for an individual in certain situations to sue for "third party harassment" caused by jokes or banter.
The jokes or banter don't necessarily have to be directed at, or witnessed by, the complainant, it will be enough that he/she finds them "offensive". In other words, even if the person to whom a jokey comment is directed finds nothing objectionable in it, any eavesdropper or third party can nevertheless report it (see "Death of the office joke").
One of the first to be hauled off to the Tower under this new form of "Hate" legislation could be the Queen's spouse and consort, the Duke of Edinburgh, who has made enough politically incorrect quips over the years to get him banged up many times over.
Prince Philip belongs to an age when it was still possible for public officials to make cracks without first having to submit them to government censors for approval, and has been the target of much press criticism as a result. The Queen, to her great credit, has never publicly reprimanded her husband for his off-the-cuff remarks, nor so much as rolled her eyes at him. Behind palace doors things may be different, but publicly she has always shown loyalty, perhaps because she understands how difficult it has been for him to live his life in her shadow, always two paces behind.
Philip Mountbatten – formerly Battenburg, of the House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg – has stood by the Queen through thick and thin, in more than 60 years of marriage. He may not be not the brightest candle in the royal chandelier, but as a Royal Naval officer during the war and later as a patron of more than 800 organizations, he has served his adoptive country with distinction. At nearly 90 years old, he keeps up a punishing regime of service (including more than 300 public engagements a year) that would make most younger men wilt – yet still maintains his sense of humour.
So without further ado, and before the sirens of the Hate-Crimes Tactical Response Unit (Humour Division) come to drown out our laughter, here are my top dozen Prince Philip quotes, in reverse order. They are enough to give Ms Harman the Vapours.
12. Response to President Obama, speaking about his meetings with the Chinese, the Russians and David Cameron:
"Can you tell the difference between them?"
11. At Salford University:
"The best thing to do with a degree is to forget it."
10. To business leader Mr Atul Patel, at a Buckingham Palace reception for 400 British Indians:
"There’s a lot of your family in tonight."
9. On receiving a gift from a native woman during a 1984 visit to Kenya:
"You are a woman, aren't you?"
8. At a Washington embassy reception for Commonwealth representatives:
"Are you Indian or Pakistani? I can never tell the difference between you chaps."
7. Question to a Scottish driving instructor in 1995:
"How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?"
6. To Aboriginal tribal leaders in Queensland:
"Do you still throw spears at each other?"
5. In 1967, when asked whether he would consider visiting the Soviet Union:
"The bastards murdered half my family."
4. To Paraguayan dictator Alfredo Stroessner:
"It's a pleasant change to be in a country that isn't ruled by its people."
3. To Scottish Tory leader Annabel Goldie this year, at the unveiling of a special tartan in honour of the Pope's visit:
"Do you have any knickers in that material?"
2. Commenting on Beijing, China, during a 1986 official visit there:
"Ghastly."
1. To the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional Muslim robes:
"You look like you’re ready for bed!"
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